10 Ways to Get Over Your Ex

If you are reading this, chances are you recently had a breakup and that it hurts pretty bad. You are not the first one to go through this, in fact many before you have walked in your shoes, and survived to tell their stories, and give you advice. The hopelessness and sadness that comes with any breakup is temporary and it is important to remember this. I remember a very wise woman once telling me that it is harder to let go of who you wanted your ex to be, or to become, than who your ex actually was. It is very true, often we are in love with the illusion of people and inevitably that leads us down a hard road, a road of acceptance and forgiveness.

Regardless of how your relationship ended, and who ended it, there are necessary steps you need to take in order to start healing and move on with your life.

1. Cut off communication. Unless you have children or some property settlement there is no need to communicate with your ex at this point. Cutting off communication allows you to separate yourself from the situation and start to heal. It may be the hardest part about ending a relationship, because it is much like a death, that person is no longer in your life. But in order to heal, the communication needs to be very limited, (preferably none at all) at least at the beginning. Saying you are going to be friends is a great idea, but before you start down the friend path, get over your ex first.

2. Box up or get rid of things that remind you of him/her. Pictures, gifts, and things that remind you of your relationship need to be out of site. When your heart has healed you may want to see these items again, but until then save yourself the heartache and put them away.

3. Spend lots of time with family and friends. These are the people in your life that will remind you how great you are. They will be your support system and the positive vibes you will get from them should help you through your rough time. After all chances are you have been there for them during a breakup. Remember, you are not the first, and you certainly won’t be the last to go through a breakup.

4. Separate your items quickly. If you have shared items or bank accounts, separate the items quickly. Don’t drag it out, get it done so you don’t have it weighing on your mind.

5. Go on a rebound date. This can be a blind date, a date with a friend, a date with anyone, just go on a date. Its going to feel awkward and it may be hard to really enjoy yourself, but you will be reminded that you are still very dateable and that love will come into your life again.

6. Keep a journal. Write down all of your feelings, get them out and on paper and close the book when you are done. Releasing your feelings onto paper will help you express them and help you to let go.

7. Cry. You are allowed to feel, be angry, cry, laugh and let your emotions go. Allow yourself to grieve for your lost relationship and go through the necessary steps to heal. See website with stages of grief.

8. Do something crazy. Be spontaneous and do something you never would have done before. Take a vacation to Spain, skydive, or learn to surf. Part of rediscovering who you are is by learning things about yourself you never knew, and you will never know, without trying. You may find your new favorite hobby.

9. Listen to uplifting music. Music really does help your mood. One of the best gifts I was ever given was a CD filled with breakup music after breaking up with a boyfriend. I played the songs endlessly, they helped me to feel empowered and less alone. Below is a website with some great breakup songs.

10. Forgive yourself. Whether or not you did something to cause your breakup, or you were the one to end it, it is likely you suffer from some sort of guilt about the relationship ending. Forgive yourself. We forgive people for their trespasses everyday but we tend to be hardest on ourselves. Admit your faults, work on them, then move on because chances are you will look back on this relationship one day and be glad you are no longer in it, regardless of the reason for the breakup.

Breaking up with someone is a very painful process and often we find ourselves clueless on how to handle it. It is important to remember that the advice many people will give you about breakups is from their own experience, and they have lived to tell their story. Remember how amazing you are and give yourself strength by believing in yourself.